Warning...

...One is about to SNAP!

Had a dream that I was drowning and I when I woke from the lack of oxygen husband was pressed up against my pillow somehow managing to cut off my air supply! Not sure how to take this, is there some sort of message he was trying to send me in dreamland?

Anyway, the drowning dream is perfect because One really is drowning under all the pressure of having to keep up with three children in two different schools! Now, we're extremely lucky to have our girls in private school, blah, blah, blah, but why for the love of that is lickable can't they all be in the same school? Both schools require "voluntold hours" and I'm working double time to make up hours here and there! Can't choice #1 school see that they would get more of me and all of my wonderfulness if they just made spots for all three? I swear both #1 and #2 schools got together and decided they wanted to see this mother go mad! "Mad I tell you!" Listening to "Better Off Dead" while writing this post. Appropriate in so many ways!

Done with ranting about the conspiracy theory in which everyone is trying to break me! Got news for you all, there were some other bastards (you know who are) that broke me years ago! So knock it off! Have already been through so many of the phases that you think are left for me to go through and I'm just going to snap and find a pile of laundry in which to curl up in the fetal position and then where will you all be? Up the creek of bad smells and slime, with a shit paddle! That's where! Yes, I know that's not how it goes, but really would you touch the shit paddle, not I! So they would be left in the nasty creek with the Swamp Crack Monster (just for you Pooter) on their tails and there would be nothing they could do about it!

Really, I'm done now! Going to put some food in my system to counter act the coffee buzz and perhaps the next time I share I won't be planning the demise of my paranoid mind enemies!
That is if I don't drown in my sleep first!

It is on four wheels...

...Jenn took this pic at the McDonald's drive thru...

...with a Pug in the driver's lap and all!

Office Must Haves

You know you want one...

...there's even a coordinating eraser...
...can be found here at the Paper Source.

Peanut Butter Jelly Time...

...last month I went to visit my family in upstate New York and brought this little gem home with me!

Clothes!

Have you ever seen someone wearing something they shouldn't be wearing? Well for the last few days a friend of mine has been wearing outfits that are just not right for her. Monica, am I right? You know who I am talking about! LOL! Anyway, I have no problem telling her that the clothes she is wearing is so not right for her body type, but she says "are you kidding me I absolutely adore this outfit," or "your crazy, you wouldn't know good fashion if it hit you in the face." Well first off, I never claimed that I had great fashion and neither should she. Second, I try not to wear things that show every lump and bump I have. I try to wear things that are flattering for my body type. Well, what do you do? I guess she doesn't care that she looks hideous in the clothes. Oh well!

There are some people in the world that really need to look in the mirror before they leave the house. I can't believe some of the things people wear.

Ex Wife's

Warning: If you are an ex wife and your ex husband is remarried and happy and all you want to do is make is life a living hell! I suggest that you not read this! It could get ugly!

So the hubby and I have been happily married for over 7 years. Between the 2 of us we have 5 kids. Four of them are from his previous marrige and we have one beautiful little girl together.

So, over the last 8 months his youngest son has moved in with us. He is 16 and for the most part a fairly good kid (he has is moments, but don't they all). So at the moment we are having child support and custody modified.

Now the ex wife refuses to get a job, and depends on the state to be able to make it in life. She only gets $900 a month in child support, government housing, state health services and food stamps. So, why should she have to work. People like this make me sick! Seriously get a damn job and support yourself and your childern. She only see the kids a dollar signs and nothing else. I see her as an unfit mother, but hell I just plain don't like her.

For the past 7 years she has been calling me and telling me that my husband doesn't love me and that he never has and that he is going leave me like he left her. Hell if I looked like her, I would have left her too! First off she is big, fat, ugly and her momma dresses her funny. Did I mention that she is UGLY! She doesn't speak English very good, and frankly she scares me. I am afraid she may sit on me and crush me. Well last night our son called her to tell her Happy Birthday (very nice of him). Well she laid into him about how she is not going to have any money because his dad is a sorry piece of shit and taking her money away for her. Here's the problem, how does she figure that my husband should still paid her child support for a child that doesn't live with her. Pretty greedy if you ask me. So when I got home and found him upset because his mother is a $itch and started a fight with him over this I called her back.

First she didn't want to talk to me, but then she got on the phone and I told her not to speak to him about child support matters, because he is just a child and it is not any of his business to be talking about that. Well, she went crazy and started cussing me out in German and telling me that no one wants me here and that I need to move back to Texas, because I am a $itch and a slut. I wish there was someway I could have her deported back to Germany. Anyone have any ideas?

Well long story short.....if you are an ex wife, remember it is not the new wife's fault that your husband left you and moved on to greener pastures. You don't have to like him but if you have children with him you at least need to be nice for the kids sake.

Anyone? Ideas on how to get this broad deported?

What is Wrong....

....with people? So today I went to work today at 6 AM. I had no idea that I had a hole in the a@# end of my pants. It wasn't until one of my coworkers pointed it out 6 hours later that I knew. I had walked around for over 6 hours with a hole in my pants! You know other people had to have seen that? If they did ,why would they not say anything? If I saw someone with a hole in there pants or there zipper down, I'd make sure to tell that person. Sad thing is that I know that guest at the store I work at had to have seen it also and not a single person said anything. And of course I texted Monica, and she thinks that this pretty funny! LOL! Well it is funny, but very disturbing. If no one will tell you that you have a hole in your pants is anyone going to tell you when you have something in your teeth, or a boogie hanging out of your nose. Morale is: No matter how embarrassing it may be for the person, at least tell them so they don't walk around looking like a dumba@$!

An Awesome Idea...

...and I already have a few people in mind that could use these...

...what do you think Jenn? B.A.R.B.I.E. Gaaaiiiillllll?...

...thought that you could pass these out at work...

...so many people, so little time!

These wonderful creations can be found here

Gramkin Paper Studio

How This Blog...

...came to be? Sir William (that would be the hubby) is out having dinner with some friends and decided to send me a quick text! We met on line and nine years later, we still communicate alot via e-mail and texting! Hey, it works for us, no bashing the power of a great text!

Text went something like this...

Sir William: This place smells great!

Me: Hope that you are at the restaurant and not out sniffing random places again! What are you smelling?

Sir William: meat!

Me: Please tell me that you are referring to food and that you are not sniffing dudes?
(he set himself up for that one!)

Sir William: you are f#$%ed up!

Hence further proof that my kind of sick and twistie humor had to unleashed on the rest of the world! Better yet I have a partner in crime, in mind to add to all this fun. I already keep up another blog and post on two others! Come on Jenn you know you want to find and share all the warpness out there!

Fun times to be had!